Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Mom said you looked used
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
