Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
