..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
