I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
