I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
