Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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