Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
