do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
