They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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