Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
