i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
