Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
