How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
