just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
