you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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