Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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