I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
