after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
