He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we should paint friendship bongs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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