I am puke
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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