i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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