Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
