You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
