Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need to calm my uterus...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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