She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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