The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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