Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
