i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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