Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
