just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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