Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
