I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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