I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no, he came in my armpit
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How's work?
Spinning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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