It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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