I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
