At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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