if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
