u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
