I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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