So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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