i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
