nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
