the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
