I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
