so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
