are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
