he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
