Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
