you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
