One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
