At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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