can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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