Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
