great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
