This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
