I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just high enough for therapy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
