I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
