My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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