my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
