I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
