im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
