The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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