I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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