I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
