I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
