I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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