Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
