you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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