plz talk dirty to me
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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