I am in a vortex of obligation.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
