marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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