Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
