Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
